At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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