drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
