I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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