I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
