Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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