3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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