i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
