I forgot how hot balto sounded
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
