So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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