billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
