I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
