Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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