I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
