you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
