Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
