Barsexuality is the new black.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You are a genius and a whore.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
