while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
