Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You've changed since you got that strap on
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
