I just saw a hot homeless man
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I want a musical about memes.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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