Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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