So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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