So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
