so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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