Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I pour the whiskey from now on
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
