There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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