So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize