Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
