I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
two words...techno handjob
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
is that a dick in a sweater?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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