She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
