I CAN MOONWALK!
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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