May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
We need to get me chipped asap
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