yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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