I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
