Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
