Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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