I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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