Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
