Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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