Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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