Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
