Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
