i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
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Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
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I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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