i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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