After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
