I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
