DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
