It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
