I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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