how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
