someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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