I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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