So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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