Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
