I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
