Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
