you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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