never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
