watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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