um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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