this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
