I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
