The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
third nipple confirmed
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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