He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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