yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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