Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
