I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
