we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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