we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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