im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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