i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
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i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
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I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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