hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
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