There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
