Kareoke will never be a sober sport
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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