I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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