had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
